itsjustabaddream

"I was thinking of the kitchen table, if that's alright."

More personal of a setting, and less of a feeling of it being a sort of business-oriented "I am demoting myself from your partner to your colleague" type of way.

"That's perfectly fine," Neil agrees, moving into the kitchen and sitting down. Once sat, he reaches again for Jon's hands. His fingers on his left hand are all tightly wrapped in neat little bandages, and he uses the hand extremely delicately, but still wants to hold Jon's hands even if it will hurt him.

Jon lets him take his hands, though it does nothing to settle the sinking feeling in his stomach. During his last break-up, it was so much easier to bear all the arguing, the insults, the hard feelings melding into some sort of outraged feeling of vindication. This, though, had no such reassurances.

"...I don't want to try to dodge a round this for too long, out of the deepest respect and care I could possibly have," Jon starts, frowning. It's difficult to look Neil in the eye, but he tries. "You've been a wonderful partner to me, and an even better friend. A-and, I'm sorry that it's come to this. I truly am. But, I..."

He trails off, and swallows roughly to steady his thoughts.

"My life before Pumpkin Hollow has caught up with me in ways I could have never expected it to, and had I expected it whatsoever, I wouldn't have put us in this position."

Neil listens, his face impassive all the way until Jon finishes, and gently relinquishes his hands. He folds his arms in front of himself and lets out a long, slow sigh. "It's Martin."

Jon frowns, and his shoulders sink a bit. He's doing his best not to look like a scolded dog.

"...It is. I'm sorry. I... I'd never expected any part of my life to come here, but particularly not him. Nor did I have any idea that there was anything left there to address until very recently."

Neil will no longer look Jon in the eyes. "No, I know. It was--- it was always a risk. People show up from other worlds nearly every day, it seems, and you come from a dangerous place. Whatever loose ends you may have had from home always had a chance of finding their way here, and I knew that when I began courting you. I had just hoped that our relationship might weather such trials, the way Zelda and Jean's did. But if that's not the case, then--- I understand."

Oh, god, yeah, he's definitely the asshole here. Zelda and Jean didn't even have this problem, they sorted it out without causing a big, heart-breaking fuss. Christ. Great going, dickhead.

"I-I'm sorry, I... it's just a bit too complicated, I'm afraid. I've turned it over in my head as many ways as I possibly can, and it isn't..."

He somehow manages to frown more deeply, and folds his hands on the table.

"You mean a lot to me, Neil. Very, very much so. This is something I've had great deal of sleepless nights over. I never wanted to hurt you this way, and... I wish I'd been as cognizant of these things as you. I'm sorry that I hadn't been, and--- that you bear the brunt of my inconsideration."

"I understand," Neil says plainly. "It doesn't feel... great. But I'll admit I had a feeling this was going to be the case."

He sighs softly. "You mean a lot to me as well, Jon. And I love you very much. I would rather have you in my life than make a scene over the inevitable. I hope we can stay friends... after I get a bit of space."

"O-of course!" Jon jumps, perhaps a bit too quickly, at the offer. He reels himself back in. "You were one of my dearest friends, even before our romantic involvement, and I'd hate to lose that. You can take all the space you need. I would, um. I'd be happy to steer clear of the next meeting or two, should that be easier on you."

"No, no, the meetings are fine, I just mean more, ah. Personal things," Neil explains. "I imagine Martin wouldn't be too keen on us meeting that way yet anyway."

"Ah, yes, that's--- that makes sense." Jon gives an awkward laugh, little more than a huff. "...You just, um. Let me know when you've had your time. I won't press, but my door is always open for you."

"...I hope it wouldn't be too much to ask for a parting hug?"

"Oh, I--- yes, of course. God, Neil, that's the least I could offer you in all this."

Jon stands, moving with the uncertainty that's written all over his face, but opens his arms nonetheless.

Neil stands as well, wrapping his arms around Jon tightly. It's a long, sad embrace. A quiet goodbye. "I will miss you, Jon. You still have my love, even if it needs to change."

Jon lets out a quiet, heavy sigh. His heart twists miserably in his chest. God, is this the right call? What if he's just fucking everything up for a flight of fancy? Guilt and misery mingle together viciously, creating a horrible pit in his stomach, even as he hugs back.

"And you, mine, Neil. I'm... so sorry again."

"You are doing what is best for you," Neil insists as they part. "I can't ask any more of you." He pats Jon's arm twice, an awkwardly friendly gesture to fill the void where love once sat. "Goodbye, Jon. Be well."

"You do the same, Neil. If you need me, please--- please do feel free to reach out."

With a heavy heart, Jon finally parts fully. What else is there to do, or say? There's no fixing this, much as his mind desperately reaches for it. He's made his choice.

A final, soft pat, and Jon sees himself out. Time to hole up in his house and feel like a horrible person for the next week.

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