itsjustabaddream

Well. That conversation with Eddie a while back was... enlightening that he's not doing as well as he likes to pretend he is.

He knocks on the door, standing kind of awkwardly there.

There is the sound of a chair scooting across hardwood floors from behind the door, and Neil opens the red door to his cottage, a shop bell ringing softly. He looks a bit surprised--- normally people only knock if they're a guest, but clients tend to let themselves in. "Oh! Hello there. What can I do for you?"

César looks up to the bell and lets out a laugh, looking embarrassed. ".... oh. I, ah. It's a house, so.... I knocked?" Wait, that doesn't answer the question. "I heard you do... therapy?"

It's almost tentative.

"It's quite alright, I'm just surprised," Neil assures him gently. "And yes, I do therapy. Did you need to see me? I can take a walk-in anytime today or tomorrow."

His schedule is... uncomfortably free for someone trying to make ends meet.

... that is a rather free schedule. César can only hope the man's worked himself out of a job for most cases?

"I do need therapy, yes. And I am available now, I suppose?" César needs a moment to switch from the idea of scheduling something to having an appointment. "I meant to get started with a therapist back home, but..."

A slow, elaborate shrug.

Neil chuckles. "Things happen, yes. Well, please come in! I have coffee and tea if you'd like, before we get started." He stands aside to let César inside.

"Coffee would be nice. I swear, I can never have enough of it...." César teases himself, walking through the door and giving Neil room to close it; he smiles weakly. "I've honestly gone through a lot more in my last 10 months before I came here than most people go through in their entire lifetimes."

Neil nods and fixes each of them a cup of coffee, handing César his before showing him to the therapy space. Interestingly, there is a twin bed in here. But Neil gestures to the chairs on the other side of the room.

"You'd be surprised. Of course, I'm not trying to minimize the feeling--- I imagine you have truly been through a great ordeal. But at the same time, you shouldn't feel alone."

"Thank you." César takes the cup, notes the bed (well, the dream thing? he's heard something about that?), and sits down in a chair.

Neil's comment makes him chuckle. "I wouldn't call any of the people arriving 'most people'. Perhaps it's why I've settled in so well. Gotten a girlfriend and everything. ... but even so, there's experiences of mine best worked through professionally."

"By all means." Neil gestures, lifting an upturned hand to César. "We can jump right in or we can chat for a bit first. Sometimes it helps to get to know your counsellor, and sometimes it's better if I'm a blank wall for you to talk to. I can do both."

César nods. "I'd rather chat first, ease into it. I'm not used to making myself vulnerable anymore. The two main things I want to work through are starting to deal with my parents murders ten months ago for me and the eight months I spent in a toxic workplace under a woman and her bosses that were bent under world domination. The second was necessary to prevent them from succeeding. Undercover. Working alone until nearly the end of it. One of her bosses other underlings, a former colleague, was responsible for my parents' deaths."

He'll have to work towards opening up properly in a minute, but he'll start with what he wants to focus on. They're what's hurting him the most.

"Those are some very heavy topics indeed. I can see why it's difficult to talk about them." Neil nods thoughtfully. "What sort of organization was this, exactly? What were their goals, their methods?"

César's mind starts working quickly, and he blanks his face after a moment of mild alarm. "... I can't tell the full story to a stranger. But I'll try to say what I can now."

He takes a moment and pulls his walls halfway back down instead of entirely slammed up. "But, military. I was in the non-weapon R&D section. Their goal was greed. To own the entire world. And they attempted to do it through technology I developed from my previous project, wanting to become gods and control the physical world around them. They couldn't know I had a way to prevent them from accessing the 'key' once it was fully assembled. So I had to do everything my boss said. Work long hours. Hide myself and eliminate all free time because my true personality was a liability."

"My apologies. I was attempting to segue into getting to know a bit about your background." César did say he wanted to chat, but also subsequently jumped right into the matters at hand, and Neil's attempt to find a midpoint backfired a bit. But it's not unfixable.

"That's troubling for a great many reasons. Eliminating one's means of self-expressions and free time sound soul-sucking." Neil backtracks a bit, in an attempt to course correct. "What sort of work did you do prior to that? Something more fulfilling, I hope?"

"Thank you. The entire situation is full of side tangents and moral quandaries that really are an issue all of their own. I'd have to explain a great many things that aren't relevant to the feelings." César doesn't fault Neil for asking, though, and gives him a reassuring smile.

"... well, it would've been, had my work not been..." César has to think about how to phrase it. "... tainted by those same bosses. We needed funding. It would've changed the world. It did save my brother's life, so I take comfort in that." He rubs the back of his neck. "... Yeah, I didn't live a normal life back home."

"That's amazing, though!" Neil perks up, his interest genuine. He's a scientist at heart. "That's always the goal, isn't it? To do work that can save lives. It's a shame that funding stood between you and even more success, but the things you did accomplish sound marvelous and meaningful. Especially considering it was your own brother."

César surprises himself when a laugh bubbles up. "... it was honestly terrifying. He was dead on the table. Brain death was imminent. And... then the nanites—nanomachines—healed him, and he woke up crying for Mama. He... has amnesia now. But he's alive, and he's happy. Also a superhero because of the nanites and an additional factor."

"Ah, alas. There's always a caveat, isn't there? For what it's worth, most cases of amnesia acquired by non-magical means tend to be temporary. But his health and happiness are obviously the most important things, and you gave him that. You should absolutely be proud of that."

César's smile turns awkward. "... Unfortunately, I think Rex's may be permanent. They're only the loss of memories, not knowledge. And I lost five of his years in fifteen minutes of mine due to, well, a long explanation. He doesn't know me well, I don't really know him that well anymore since he's now six years older, and I didn't get to watch him grow up for over a third of his life."

Still, he smiles a bit brighter. "But you're right: Rex being happy and healthy is the most important part."

Ah, there's some issues there, aren't there?

"Ahh, I see how that can be difficult. You strike me as someone who values familial connection." Neil sets his cup on his desk, leaning forward a bit with his fingers laced together.

"The concept of la familia is central to Latin American culture. Not just biological but emotional. Friends and coworkers. I lost all of that at once. Five years passed in an instant. My family was dead. The world moved on without me. I came back with incredibly important knowledge that no one else had, so people saw me as a scientist first and as a man... third or fourth."

He closes his eyes and bows his head, his forearms resting on his thighs. "Rex is amazing. I love him deeply. He used to see me as his brother first and only. But now... he sees me as a scientist first and his brother second. Better than the rest, but... he still has me wrong. I thought he did still see me the other way around for a bit, but..." A weak shrug and then silence. "He's sixteen. Rex can't understand complex stuff, yet, and I wasn't ready to talk to him about things to fix that."

There's no way for César to comprehend Rex sees him as his brother first. César was too depersonalized by everything happening around him, and their interactions were infrequent, and every time, Rex slammed his emotional shields up with a scowl to protect himself. Rex wanted to be his brother just as much as César wanted to be his. But César had suffered too much, and the hope he once had is now in tatters that had only just began to repair themselves. And then he ended up here.

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March 1st, ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT STUFF

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